Friday, 6 November 2009


I've finally finished replying to everyone's comments.
I wanted to just thank you all so much for your support and kindness. Hopefully now the drama will be gone from my blog for a long time, but someone has been kind enough to say they will actually send me some samples of Lime Crime eyeshadows so i can see for myself just how similar (i.e. identical) they are to TKB wholesale mica, so i'm afraid this isn't quite the end!

I feel a bit silly now because i did let Mary's comments get to me.
Firstly, i actually am a bit self-concious of my weight at the moment because i've gone up a dress size since last year, so being called fat, turkey necked and so on by a perfect stranger was not pleasant anyway.
I was bullied pretty much throughout my whole life until i was 18 and went to art college. Firstly because i was fat and a boffin, then in high school because i was weird and liked different music, clothes, etc from everyone, and then in sixth-form (when i assumed most people might have grown out of such things) for being weird again. I have however been proud of myself because, no matter what people have said or done to me, i've been true to myself and never compromised or pretended to be anything i'm not, and i've acted with dignity and never sunk down to name calling in retaliation.
Also I have a mental illness, Social Phobia and Social Anxiety Disorder, that makes me constantly worry that i am going to be attacked in some way in social situations. It makes me incredibly paranoid about what people think of me. It's basically like being constantly incredibly shy. In public i am unable to speak or approach anyone, even people i know. When i first started blogging i was too shy to comment on anyones journals even, and making my first video was a huge step. I've also been suffering from depression for the last year (though that is mainly under control now).
Up until now everyone in the beauty community that i've encountered have been incredibly kind, supportive and encouraging. Even though i'm no real makeup artist, and certainly can't compare to many of the others out there, everyone has seemed genuinely interested and even thankful for my opinions. I can't tell you how much it means to me everytime i get a new follower here or a new subscriber on youtube. I've never been able to share my opinions in public before, but now through this community i feel i'm finally able to actually do something that might be helpful to other people, even if it is just as trivial as giving my thoughts on a lipstick.

So i guess this Mary thing just frightened me a bit, that maybe this world i'd been so enamoured with had an ugly side that would be just as cruel to me as the strangers who shout rude things at me in the street.

It also just hit me hard as, through the allegations about Lime Crime i have tried to be as fair and diplomatic to her as possible, even though she had personally insulted me in the past so i might have more reason than others to want to slander her name (I was in fact disgusted by some of the comments about Doe, particularly regarding her appearance and someone who said she was probably lying about being bi-polar. Those things had nothing to do with her product or business practices and was just purely nasty) and yet not only was Doe lumping me, and anyone else with legitimate complaints or worries about her company, in with people who were just viciously and rudely attacking. And then Mary decided to pick on me in particular, calling me a troll when all i have done is posted in my own blog and occaisionally posted a comment on the Examiner article.

I was also just disgusted that anyone could think that just because i am a bit plump i could not have any valid opinions on the matter! I know she was probably just saying it to be cruel, but from what she wrote it really seemed like she actually believed what she was saying, that i would just be jealous of Doe simply because she is thinner than me.

However i'm happy to say that i, genuinely, am not upset at all by her comments anymore. After reading them over (Doe has now deleted all the comments from or about Mary *eyeroll*) the absolute stupidity of her comments has hit me and now i find thw whole thing very funny! Especially how she claimed i was lying about being an artist, why on earth would i do that? What is there possibly for me to gain by it? It boggles my mind.
And yes, i am a bit larger than i would like to be, but it's really not very important in the grand scheme of things. I still think i'm attractive, and more importantly i am kind, fair, polite and have a good sense of humour (this is fast becoming a would like to meet!)

Anyway i just wanted to once again thank all of you. It has meant so much to see new friends willing to defend me and happy to listen fairly to what i have to say.

I'm preparing to do a giveaway just to say thank you for following me, so watch this space :)


  1. Hey, I'm sorry about all the drama, I had nothing to do with it, but I think it's terrible all the same. Unfortunately common decency isn't all that common anymore!
    Also sorry to hear about your Social Phobia and Social Anxiety Disorder, and I want you to know that you are not alone, while I may not have the exact same condition I can commiserate. Since 2001 I have been physically ill almost every morning (at the thought of school, then later work) to the point of having to miss out on previously scheduled engagements caused by depression, anxiety, and an unhealthy does of pessimism. After a year and a half of counseling, and finally finding the right medication to help combat the nerves I finally feel like I might be able to function more freely in society (although I which I could do so without the meds).
    So you definitely aren't alone, you have support, and my respect.

  2. So glad you can see the funny side of it now! Mary's comments were some of the dumbest things I've ever read online, and that's REALLY saying something!

    It's so easy to insult people when you have the luxury of online anonymity, but you've risen above that. Kudos! :D

  3. Lilian, you're a doll. You are a genuinely kind hearted human being, and a cute one at that! I too suffer from social anxiety, it's not as bad as it used to be, where i would hyperventilate just driving into town knowing there were going to be people there. Or getting physically ill in the supermarket because of it and having to stop and just go home. I'm self employed and work from home so i feel more in control now, though i suppose that's just avoiding the problem in my case lol. Anyways, Mary was simply trying to be a nasty and it says so much about her character. I'm sorry that this whole thing turned in this direction and you became the target, you certainly don't deserve it. keep doing what you're doing hun, i really enjoy your videos. xx Cat

  4. I don't have social anxiety disorder, but a few years ago I thought I did. I hated being out in public (a lot had to do with my weight; I assumed everyone had the same nasty thoughts about me as I had about myself. They didn't) but even worse was speaking on the phone. I couldn't call anyone without having a panic attack. I finally had a friend who I met online that was willing to be patient with me and help me out. Over the past couple of years I've become a lot better with going out in public and talking on the phone. Even though I'm getting better, I still remember the terror I used to feel, so I can definitely relate.

    What I find very sad is that while people aren't allowed to comment on someone's race or sexual preference or nationality, it's still somehow okay to make fun of people and call them 'fat'. I find it extremely disgusting that society still allows it and makes it okay. I've had to live with the title 'fat' all of my life and it's something I eventually learned is a state of mind; not a state of being. I hope that you can learn to get through that and not let people's idiotic opinions affect your own self worth. Because as a human being you're worth more than some childish comment left by an obviously ignorant poster.

  5. You don't deserve this comments! I've seen your video about unusual lipstick and you are beautiful. You have a lovely face and lovely hair - oh! and your eyes are stunning! I was bullied since I was 4 years old. I had people calling me ugly all the time and boys would tell me I'd never ever be beautiful. Two years ago I found out I was beautiful. I finally realized that some people are just stupid, rude and cruel. They just want to bash somone. This is violence.
    I'm glad you are over it now! ^^

    I just want to say to the fisrt person who commented that you should look for some therapy. It can be a psychoanalist, a phenomenologist, a behaviorist, I don't know... but it'll help you out either to leave medication behind or reduce the need of medication. You just have to find the right person for you. It helps a lot. My dad had a really bad depression for years and was finally able to leave the medicine behind and is feeling really good.

  6. @ cacau: same here!
    i was bullied for just about anything in my, uhm... village, when i was 19 i broke free from that environment though and suddenly found out that quite a few people actually think i am good-looking, LOL.

    @lillian: i just saw some photos of you and even if you're not 100% happy with your weight, you have nothing to be ashamed of. your facial features are very harmonious and beautiful, you remind me of sophie dahl!
    i'd also like to point out, referring to mary: i didn't know you as well before the whole lime crime ordeal, and even if i hadn't been to your blog before and hadn't known anything about you, it took me two clicks to find your art site. this only further proves that mary is a superficial and incompetent analyst, if she had also taken a few seconds, she could have found out you are not lying about being an artist!
    i additionally find it ridiculous that anyone could still doubt your run-in with xenia about the duct tape dress, the post even still exists on that certain community - even if her comments are deleted, it is obvious that they were once by her and that they actually included the wording you were always referring to when talking about it.

  7. I'm glad you're not upset about it anymore. I used to suffer from depression and social anxiety, and I know that I wouldn't have been as brave and dignified about it as you seem to have been. In fact, a comment like that would have destroyed me, I think. So, I honestly admire your strength there.

  8. Timidmongoose:
    Thank you for your support :) It is awful but i guess it's inevitable if you post on a public blog that someone's going to take offense to you in some way. I guess i just figured maybe people are bigger than going 'you are so fat' like children (though hopefully she isn't actually an adult! Maybe she's just been looking at DDB for a while and is not used to seeing an unphotoshopped person. Oooh, get me!

    I think i've heard of what you have, if it's what i'm thinking of. There's such a thing as 'school phobia' or something, which is where you're ok in social situations, but not when it's something you are actually being judged on (like your performance in school or work) is it anything like that?

    I had a huge problem when i went to 6th-form college (if you're not from the UK this is when you're 16-18) because thats when my phobia was at it's worst, i missed at least 50% of my classes and, while i might not have been the top of my class i know with certainty that if i hadn't had the phobia i could have at least done better.

    Also it was at that time i had cognitive behaviour therapy, which personally didn't help me at all. I'm on anti-depressants now which helps a lot with my depression but sadly hasn't done anything for my social anxiety.
    Personally I think if you've found a way to cope, and the medication isn't affecting you in any bad ways you should still be really proud of youself. Of course it would be better to know that everything up there is 'fixed' but it's more important that you can cope and live your life to the fullest you possibly can.
    Thank you so much again for your support and sharing your story.

    Yeah, at first i was so shocked by being insulted so much by someone that it really stuck with me. I'm actually quite sad that Doe deleted all of the stuff written by or about Mary, she posted a hilarious comment about how i was a 'professional troll' or something XD
    I can't say i've not insulted her at all, i did call her a 'lying bizyatch' once. Not to her face mind :P

    Thank you so much. I'm really glad to hear that you phobia isn't as bad as it used to be, and having had a look at your blog i can say you are incredibly talented. I sew a little too but could never make anything as sophisticated and professional looking as you. I'm an artist so i work from home too, but it's very difficult making connections and things.
    And thank you so much again, i've actually found making videos has helped me. I used to have to make them for my art college (they let me do presentations via video instead of directly infront of people) and i was terrified just making them and hearing my voice back on tape, i had to leave the room when they were being played. But since i took the 'risk' and made one it's been easier and easier to make more, especially as people have been supportive :)

  9. evilpoptart07:
    I still can't call anyone, though i am getting better at speaking on the phone if someone rings me. It's strange with me, in some ways my phobia has gotten better, in some ways it's stayed the same and in some ways it's actually got worse :(
    I understand what you were going through, becuase that's how i feel, that people are constantly judging me badly and talking about me when i'm not around, or even just pretending to be my friends or like me.
    I'm so glad to hear you are getting better and i really hope you continue to improve.

    And thank you so much for your supportive comments. You're right, it is terrible that people think they can abuse anyone for anything to do with their appearance, whether they're thin, fat, old, ugly etc it really is what is inside that counts and people should never be judged on what they look like. But people are always going to do it because it is an easy way to hurt people.

    Thank you so much, you're very sweet.
    You're right, people just want to be hurtful, and a very easy way to do that is to call you ugly. It's very hard to remember that they are just trying to hurt you and it's all nonsense. If that is you in your profile picture you are absolutely stunning and I'm so glad you can see it now.

    Thank you so much! What a flatterer you are :)
    Yeah i thought that was funny too, if you google my name my art website comes up, and even if you just go to my blogspot profile you can see my other blog which has pictures from an art show i did recently!
    Also just the idea of me pretending to be an artist is so ludicrous, why on earth would i do that? I honestly can't think of a single reason to lie about that!
    I think most people do believe me about the duct tape dress, because you're right, if you look on meanest bastard it's pretty obvious from everyone's reactions what she said, but i guess they probably just think she's changed so much i'm being petty bringing it up.
    In a way i guess they could be right, but i think it's relevant because there have been complaints about her responses to customers recently, and because it shows that she's certainly not the saint she makes herself out to be.

  10. Phoenixfalling:
    Thank you very much. I must say i was very upset and worried at first, but to be honest i've always been a lot more worried about people thinking me stupid, annoying, rude or things instead of what they think about my appearance. I'm really glad to hear that you don't suffer from it any more :)

  11. I to have suffered the consequences of being different, and thus I have social anxiety disorder. It can be like a prison at times :( I just want to say that I know what it's like.

    I've been accepted to my first craft show (I make pressed mineral eyeshadow, oven mitts, purses, kitsch housewares, etc.) and I'm sooo excited, and terrified. I'm also thinking of making a blog to cover the whole preparation process, but I'm scared! haha I guess we really have to push ourselves to do these things though to evolve.


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