Under the cut is a lot of whinging including reasons for my lack of posting and commenting.
(also i tried to upload some photos for a post today. Blogger seems to have changed the uploader and it doesn't work at all for me, anyone else having this problem)
I'm so sorry that my posts are spoardic at best at the moment. I've posted before about how I would be reducing the amount of time i spent on blogger due to needing to spend more time on my creativity (especially my painting) but you may have noticed that 'reducing' turned into 'no time whatsoever'. I really am sorry about this, I love my blog (it's been going nearly a year now and i am amazed at the amount of people who read these little mumblings) and i love reading other peoples, i used to pride mysel on commenting on basically every entry of every blogger i follow. Now i am completely behind on peoples blogs and haven't commented in about a month.
The reason for this, and in fact the reason that I had to consciously start taking time to paint and things is that I'm not particularly well at the moment. I've had depression for about 2 years now and it comes and goes in how difficult it is to cope with. Unfortunately for the last month or so it's been particularly bad and i just don't have the motivation to do much of anything really. Even writing a little post or taking a photo or two is oddly difficult.
Usually i take medication which is meant to help my depression and anxiety (which it doesn't help with at all sadly) but i lost the log-in details for my doctors online prescription service and because of my anxiety just going and asking for a new set or getting an appointment just for that is out of the question.
And also, and i dread writing his because it sounds so incredibly stupud and shallow, but i've been incredibly unhappy with the way i look lately.
Over the last year or so i've put on a lot of weight, about 2 dress sizes. I just don't feel good about myself. I don't like how my body looks now, but more than that it's the clothes that really causes me misery. I love clothes so much and used to take such great pride in choosing my outfits. Unfortunately now i only have a few choices that actually fit me. Trying to put on a skirt or whatever that you love, that used to make you feel sexy or glamourous or whatever, and finding it won't go past your hips is a bit crushing.
I've been trying to diet for a while, for about a month i was quite good at sticking to my strict-ish diet. The problem is generally i don't actually eat badly. I always have plenty of fruit and veg, i cook all my meals from scratch (or the vast majority anyway), i basically only drink water or very occaisionally one glass of juice and while i certainly comfort-eat i rarely overeat. Before my diet an average day would consist of me having a lunch like beans on toast or a sandwich or similar, some fruit, a proper dinner (usually pasta, rice with something and as i'm a vegetarian it's always leaner than meat) and then something sweet after dinner like a bit of chocolate. So not the most healthy diet but i certainly wouldn't think it was terrible. Anyway because i don't eat badly usually (at least i don't think so, please someone tell me if i'm wrong!) dieting is really bloody hard (well it is for everyone, i know) so my diet has to be pretty strict. I tried to keep to just eating my usual main dinner, fruit and a bowl of cereal, with maybe a very low calorie snack, so basically remaining healthy but reducing my calorie intake a lot. Unfortunately when you go from comfort eating to trying to eat very little without actually feeling any better it's very hard to keep it up. And lately i've slipped back to my old eating habits, except now with even more guilt.
Blah, i will be back on 'the wagon' soon though.
The reason i am mentioning this is because, because I don't feel attractive and am depressed and apathetic, I haven't really been making the effort with my makeup or fashion choices. And when i do actually make the effort i still don't feel good enough about myself to document it and show photos. So, while i do still adore makeup and haven't lost my passion as a beauty blogger, but i just don't have the motivation at the moment to post.
Anyway those are reasons my posts haven't been up to par for the last little while. I really hope you understand and I don't lost too many followers over this. I promise that i will be back and as a proper member of the blogging community. Not just posts more than once every few weeks but reading and commenting on peoples blogs and replying to comments on my own.
I am going on holiday on monday, Claire and I are going to Disneyland Paris, one of the happiest places on earth, so hopefully some of that happiness will rub off and i'll be a happier chap when i return.
Love you all